I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
