How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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