I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
operation have a gay friend backfired
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
