Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
