I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Randomize
