we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
