I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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