break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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