Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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