matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Randomize
