So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
