there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
