If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
