The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
you didnt know i had herpes?
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
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