I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
