I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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