take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I need a beard to bite.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Randomize
