She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
