walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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