I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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