my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Randomize
