we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
