I accidentally had phone sex last night
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
