New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
