I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I smell stomach acid.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
How does one acquire holy water?
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
