I didn't shave. On purpose
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
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