You're a womanizer and a bitch.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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