I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
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