I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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