overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
