when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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