I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
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