i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
