he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
