The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
