I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
