My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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