...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Randomize
