he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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