She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Randomize
