home. puking in laundry basket.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
