Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
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