So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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