I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
