It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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