Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
