So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
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