I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Randomize
