I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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