Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
