it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
