My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
