I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize