You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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