Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
