i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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