I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
The power of my boobs compel you
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Holy shit dude........stairs
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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