Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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