you win again, gameday.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
