well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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