Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Everything about him screamed your future.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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