I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Randomize
