Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
my vag is so smooth its legendary
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
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