his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize