Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
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