It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
