yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
