He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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