Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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