Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
