Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
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